everyone is a fucking asshole
Name: Tokenaga, Ritsu
Position: Manager
Personality: A total eccentric who is into aliens and science and the like. Ritsu heard rumors of an Alien being in the soccer team so he went and joined as a manager because, now he won’t play soccer and ruin his new mannie thank you very much. Also a totally girly girl, despite being born a male, he cross dressed because he feels most comfortable in girl’s clothing. If you even talk to him about UFOs he will talk to you FOREVER.
Other shit: Even though Mars-kun is TOTALLY AN ALIEN, he is oblivious to this. He actually can play soccer and did as a child in a Junior league. His hissatsu’s then included an striker shot, E.T Slash, and a defensive hissatsu called Area 51.
He also wears swirly glasses on the top of his head which he uses when he finds a truly interesting scientific discovery.
He also belonged to Aliea Gakuen before he transferred to Douchebag Gakuen.
Owner: Bre / Tsugaymi

Name: Tokenaga, Ritsu

Position: Manager

Personality: A total eccentric who is into aliens and science and the like. Ritsu heard rumors of an Alien being in the soccer team so he went and joined as a manager because, now he won’t play soccer and ruin his new mannie thank you very much. Also a totally girly girl, despite being born a male, he cross dressed because he feels most comfortable in girl’s clothing. If you even talk to him about UFOs he will talk to you FOREVER.

Other shit: Even though Mars-kun is TOTALLY AN ALIEN, he is oblivious to this. He actually can play soccer and did as a child in a Junior league. His hissatsu’s then included an striker shot, E.T Slash, and a defensive hissatsu called Area 51.

He also wears swirly glasses on the top of his head which he uses when he finds a truly interesting scientific discovery.

He also belonged to Aliea Gakuen before he transferred to Douchebag Gakuen.

Owner: Bre / Tsugaymi

Name: Takamori, Miu
Position: Manager
Personality: She doesn’t actually know anything about soccer except the players get hurt a lot, like so badly that there’s sometimes an entire massacre of people on the field (this is just what she’s heard though!!). She loves seeing injured people cause blood and stuff is really awesome and pretty like the gore shows and comics she likes so much. People think she’s a jerkass cause she gets really giggly and excited whenever someone on her team sprains something or scrapes their knee. When people do get hurt she’s actually really caring and takes her time to make sure they’re all patched up and feeling much better.
Other shit: She loves bright colors and dresses up in pastel vomit clothes all the time. Kumamon is her favorite character and she has a secret shrine dedicated to his uguuness in her room. Just because she likes blood a lot doesnt mean she likes other disgusting human bodily fluids ok?? Other people seem to think she’s some sick freak who likes very tasteless fetishes that involve some nasty things we wont name BUT IT’S TOTALLY NOT TRUE OKAY.
Owner: nikki/cotarl

Name: Takamori, Miu

Position: Manager

Personality: She doesn’t actually know anything about soccer except the players get hurt a lot, like so badly that there’s sometimes an entire massacre of people on the field (this is just what she’s heard though!!). She loves seeing injured people cause blood and stuff is really awesome and pretty like the gore shows and comics she likes so much. People think she’s a jerkass cause she gets really giggly and excited whenever someone on her team sprains something or scrapes their knee. When people do get hurt she’s actually really caring and takes her time to make sure they’re all patched up and feeling much better.

Other shit: She loves bright colors and dresses up in pastel vomit clothes all the time. Kumamon is her favorite character and she has a secret shrine dedicated to his uguuness in her room. Just because she likes blood a lot doesnt mean she likes other disgusting human bodily fluids ok?? Other people seem to think she’s some sick freak who likes very tasteless fetishes that involve some nasty things we wont name BUT IT’S TOTALLY NOT TRUE OKAY.

Owner: nikki/cotarl

Name: Hanabi, Tsubaki

Position: Midfielder

Personality: Seems kinda distant because of his laziness in speaking and always tired-looking eyes. FREAKING LAZY. FREAKING SLEEPY. Rarely angry unless you managed to do something creepy. He looks emotionless besides sleepy. He gets happy at flowers though. In general, he’s really sleepy and lazy.

Other shit: He is way too fond of flowers. His parents are divorced, his older brother lives with his dad whereas his older sister lives with his mom. Both siblings are competing fashion designers. Tsubaki lives by himself in a small apartment near Douchebag Gakuen after deciding he couldn’t pick which side to stay.He made that eyemask and is proud of it.

Special quirks: 

  • he can fall asleep pretty much everywhere; sitting up, laying down, standing up, kneeling, etc. etc.
  • He likes to roll around in grass in search of flowers
  • HE REALLY LIKES FLOWERS OK DON’T JUDGE

Owner: yun / yunaii

their name: Zoroaster, Zardushtistan (Zardu) 
their position: defender, part-time manager when his back goes out
personality: he generally likes kittens and gardening but say one thing about his carpets he gets like Genie from Aladdin on ur ass
other shit: he is 38 and from an Iraqi ghetto,the Turkish mafia is after him for illegally selling Turkish carpets in NYC back alleys
he fled to Japan bc he got on the wrong boat he thought it was going to Puerto Rico (oops)
his Japanese is REALLY bad but he joined the soccer team thinking it was the only way to obtain bombs a way back to Iran if they won a tournament or smth
good luck w that
he’s pretty good considering hE’S PLAYING AGAINST 13 YEAR OLDS sometimes he accidentally kicks them in the face with one of his hairy man legs
his uniform is way too small for him but whatever nobody seems to notice that he’s an old mobster
special quirks: has a bad back
owner: angie/colacap 

their name: Zoroaster, Zardushtistan (Zardu) 

their position: defender, part-time manager when his back goes out

personality: he generally likes kittens and gardening but say one thing about his carpets he gets like Genie from Aladdin on ur ass

other shit: he is 38 and from an Iraqi ghetto,the Turkish mafia is after him for illegally selling Turkish carpets in NYC back alleys

he fled to Japan bc he got on the wrong boat he thought it was going to Puerto Rico (oops)

his Japanese is REALLY bad but he joined the soccer team thinking it was the only way to obtain bombs a way back to Iran if they won a tournament or smth

good luck w that

he’s pretty good considering hE’S PLAYING AGAINST 13 YEAR OLDS sometimes he accidentally kicks them in the face with one of his hairy man legs

his uniform is way too small for him but whatever nobody seems to notice that he’s an old mobster

special quirks: has a bad back

owner: angie/colacap 

Name: Hajime, Yasushi
Position: midfielder
Personality: Smug, quiet, little motherfucker.  He uses a notebook to communicate. He rather not talk to people that are not as cool as him, unless there’s an EXTREME emergency. Like, if he’s dying or something, maybe. Because he wouldn’t want someone as cool as him dying you know because he’s too cool for death. And death’s not cool. YOLO.  Soccer on the other hand is really cool in his book. Almost as cool as him. He still won’t talk to you even if you’re on his team. He prefers to smack sticky notes on his team mates or give gang signs to get his point across in the field. Most of the time he just smacks sticky notes on his team for the hell of it. Because sticky notes are coooooooo000ol.
Other shit:
Ameriboo
YOLO
Never mess with his sticky notes or he’ll MESS YOU UP
Hissatsu Technique: STICKY TACTICS-Summons a bunch of sticky notes with bad words and shit on it to surround the other player, causing discomfort/confusion/depression/nausea to them while he steals the ball and sticks a giant sticky note on their back with the word YOLO on it.
Owner: aino/tobitaco

Name: Hajime, Yasushi

Position: midfielder

Personality: Smug, quiet, little motherfucker.  He uses a notebook to communicate. He rather not talk to people that are not as cool as him, unless there’s an EXTREME emergency. Like, if he’s dying or something, maybe. Because he wouldn’t want someone as cool as him dying you know because he’s too cool for death. And death’s not cool. YOLO.  Soccer on the other hand is really cool in his book. Almost as cool as him. He still won’t talk to you even if you’re on his team. He prefers to smack sticky notes on his team mates or give gang signs to get his point across in the field. Most of the time he just smacks sticky notes on his team for the hell of it. Because sticky notes are coooooooo000ol.

Other shit:

  • Ameriboo
  • YOLO
  • Never mess with his sticky notes or he’ll MESS YOU UP
  • Hissatsu Technique: STICKY TACTICS-Summons a bunch of sticky notes with bad words and shit on it to surround the other player, causing discomfort/confusion/depression/nausea to them while he steals the ball and sticks a giant sticky note on their back with the word YOLO on it.

Owner: aino/tobitaco

their name: WE JUST DONT KNOW!!! people call them mars-kun or alien-kun

their position: midfielder/forward sometimes

personality: mars-kun is an alien. that’s all there is to it. he/she/they obviously act very erratically because of it. they don’t really know how to speak the language but they try their best. they like to play sakka and figure out everything about humans that they can!! they’re very curious even tho they don’t talk a lot. they like to draw to try to communicate but everyone misinterprets it.

other fecal matter: nobody knows that they’re an alien lmfao. they just call them mars/alien-kun because they like to draw the planets, especially mars. all of the team literally just look at them like they’re some completely normal (though also incredibly ~~~*~attractive~~*~*~) dude. alien-kun has an iron stomach they will literally eat anything they get their hands on. their hissatsu is probably space/rock based but i dont know the specifics.

owner: caitlin/qjx

Name: Miyagi Isamu
Position: Forward
Personality: He is actually pretty normal, compared to the others. Hes kind and likes to help others and generally knows what he is going after. He sets goals ahead of time so he knows what to do if things go wrong. Hes very neat and tidy as well. He loves reading, mostly fantasy novels of the american kind. He enjoys Lord of the Rings, The Inheritance Cycle, and many others. Hes also really really smart as well. He is a very round individual in the fact that he can play any sport really well. Actually, he is really good at soccer and is probably one of the better players on the team.
Other: He is the kid that has memorized all of Tolkien’s Elvish language. Trust me he has. Oh and he is the kid that always goes to cons dressed up as an elf as well.
His hissatsu’s include Sword of Gondor, and The Ring.
Owner: Bre/Tachimugay

Name: Miyagi Isamu

Position: Forward

Personality: He is actually pretty normal, compared to the others. Hes kind and likes to help others and generally knows what he is going after. He sets goals ahead of time so he knows what to do if things go wrong. Hes very neat and tidy as well. He loves reading, mostly fantasy novels of the american kind. He enjoys Lord of the Rings, The Inheritance Cycle, and many others. Hes also really really smart as well. He is a very round individual in the fact that he can play any sport really well. Actually, he is really good at soccer and is probably one of the better players on the team.

Other: He is the kid that has memorized all of Tolkien’s Elvish language. Trust me he has. Oh and he is the kid that always goes to cons dressed up as an elf as well.

His hissatsu’s include Sword of Gondor, and The Ring.

Owner: Bre/Tachimugay

Name: Fenris (It’s not her real name, but she hates her real name so she won’t tell anyone)

Position: Forward

Personality: She is EXTREMELY TSUNDERE. She acts like she hates everyone, but she really just wants to be friends. But if you so much as touch her she will punch you in the stomach.

Other shit: She really likes cute shit. Her favorite color is pink but she tells everyone red is, because red is really TOUGH. Her hair is naturally brown but she dies it red because it’s TOUGH and she wants everyone to think she is TOUGH. She’s really fucking small, height-wise and weight wise.

Owner: Stephanie/fearcutsdeeperthanswords

name: Cooter, Boot
position: Defender  
personality: He cries after every game whether his team wins or looses. He tries to play it off like he’s not, but unlike this dummy his teammates have working eyes (?). He can kick the ball pretty far when it’s heading towards him. If the ball was heading in his direction he’ll usually freak out and just hit the ball wherever, though depending on who it is he can connect the pass..
other shit :
Watched the sun too much with his left eye as a child after a ” sun-gazer” told him tales of it wonders that may be laid upon him.  Just his left eye because he thought he could be a ninja that had a super dope magical left eye he could use while battling enemies.
It damaged his retina and he has been diagnosed with Cataracts in that eye.
He convinced himself that he has a brain tumor. His Mom knows this kid’s full of it. They went to the hospital 14 times only to come up with nothing. Excuse me, you’re poor. You can’t afford that. 
He took a quiz on quizilla that said he had the brain tumor.
He thought those japanese watermelon popsicles were made of real watermelon. He freezes cut up watermelon to look like the popsicles. 
owner : Bass / thebassknight

name: Cooter, Boot

position: Defender  

personality: He cries after every game whether his team wins or looses. He tries to play it off like he’s not, but unlike this dummy his teammates have working eyes (?). He can kick the ball pretty far when it’s heading towards him. If the ball was heading in his direction he’ll usually freak out and just hit the ball wherever, though depending on who it is he can connect the pass..

other shit :

  • Watched the sun too much with his left eye as a child after a ” sun-gazer” told him tales of it wonders that may be laid upon him.  Just his left eye because he thought he could be a ninja that had a super dope magical left eye he could use while battling enemies.
  • It damaged his retina and he has been diagnosed with Cataracts in that eye.
  • He convinced himself that he has a brain tumor. His Mom knows this kid’s full of it. They went to the hospital 14 times only to come up with nothing. Excuse me, you’re poor. You can’t afford that. 
  • He took a quiz on quizilla that said he had the brain tumor.
  • He thought those japanese watermelon popsicles were made of real watermelon. He freezes cut up watermelon to look like the popsicles. 

owner : Bass / thebassknight

name: sonoda, euiko
position: defense, SUCKERS!!
personality: Euiko just really wants everyone to be terrified of her! It will never happen. She is a giant tomboy who has a lot of forbidden band camp experiences. She has two moods, and they are (1) “stupidly daring and arrogant” and (2) “it is impossible to carry this pain on my own”. Both intersect with “desperately needs attention”. Euiko’s a pretty decent defender who is self-sacrificing to the extreme– she welcomes all bodily injury and shows off her bruises to anyone who is standing still. Do not argue with her because she will use so much backwards logic that you will probably vomit. 
fe ces:
she is the best at making out. but NO ONE KNOWS HOW THIS CAME TO BE or if it is EVEN A VERIFIABLE FACT 
she has never used deodorant
her favorite band is PEARL JAM. she plays the bassoon. and when she does it is almost exclusively PEARL JAM.
SHE WILL MESS YOUR ASS UP IN MAGIC: THE GATHERING. WATCH OUT………………..
she will be buried wearing cargo shorts
her hissatsu would probably be sand/dirt based?? ????? 
owner: anna/emeticat

name: sonoda, euiko

position: defense, SUCKERS!!

personality: Euiko just really wants everyone to be terrified of her! It will never happen. She is a giant tomboy who has a lot of forbidden band camp experiences. She has two moods, and they are (1) “stupidly daring and arrogant” and (2) “it is impossible to carry this pain on my own”. Both intersect with “desperately needs attention”. Euiko’s a pretty decent defender who is self-sacrificing to the extreme– she welcomes all bodily injury and shows off her bruises to anyone who is standing still. Do not argue with her because she will use so much backwards logic that you will probably vomit. 

fe ces:

  • she is the best at making out. but NO ONE KNOWS HOW THIS CAME TO BE or if it is EVEN A VERIFIABLE FACT 
  • she has never used deodorant
  • her favorite band is PEARL JAM. she plays the bassoon. and when she does it is almost exclusively PEARL JAM.
  • SHE WILL MESS YOUR ASS UP IN MAGIC: THE GATHERING. WATCH OUT………………..
  • she will be buried wearing cargo shorts
  • her hissatsu would probably be sand/dirt based?? ????? 
owner: anna/emeticat